I stood at my nans funeral, and I was trying quite hard not to cry.
For a long time it had felt surreal. I don't think I quite knew how to act.
A funeral shouldn't really be a time for self-analysis I don't think, but nevertheless standing there in the cold it wasn't myself that I was sad for, and if I tell the truth it wasn't my nan.
I was watching my grandad. And that's what got me.

I was fairly conscious that during the week since my nan passing away I was finding it tough to be around my grandad. And not because I didn't want to be there and support him and care, because I absolutely care.
I find it tough, I think, because I feel more sad for him than I do for me. That's what makes me cry.

I don't know why, and I don't know how I feel about it.
Sorry, I'll try to be a little more upbeat next time!