6. Don't try being a vegetarian
Possibly a controversial as I know a few people who are vegetarians. In the main part they are kind people. But I always think that vegetarianism is a kind of misplaced kindess (I'm making the assumption here that people are vegetarians for ideological reasons rather than health/taste-bud issues). But being a vegetarian sounds like a positive thing for a kind, rational thinking person to be. But if you are going to go down that route, you have to be a vegan.
I can respect the ideological integrity and consistantcy of vegans. They know that animals shouldn't be used to do the bidding of humans. Vegetarians on the other hand, are simply avoiding the issue. They don't want to eat dead lamb because it's cruel. But they are completely fine with enslaving chickens to have a life where they simply make eggs to be stolen from them by farmers. They are completely fine with taking away baby cows from their mothers and forcing those mother cows to lactate until the end of their days.
Vegetarians can fuck off. It's vegan or nothing. And I am nothing.
7. Don't learn to play the guitar
This is another issue that everyone does it. I did it. But I did it before it was cool. I did it when it thoroughly wasn't cool. Not long after I got into we had a generation of former-chav indie kids picking up their guitars to write a musical crusade of endlessly dull pop songs about going out and getting drunk, all in laconic and styleless verse.
These days I just would recommend anything else simply because if you can be a decent bassist, keyboard player, drummer etc. then you'll have a plethora of talented guitarists to pick from when the inevitable happens and you attempt to form a band.
8. Don't ever watch any TV, ever
I hate television. I've explained before. I think our culture is infinitely worse for what television has done to us. Books are a rich and enlightening form of entertainment. You learn things from books; either facts or just things about yourself.
Television allows you to sit there mindlessly for hours without learning a single fact or discovering anything interesting that you couldn't already have guessed.
9. Don't swim with dolphins
Right, the only reason anyone likes fucking dolphins is because they look like they are constantly smiling. Male dolphins are known, during the mating season, to gang up together and pick off a female dolphin and basically beat her up, and then once she too tired to run away anymore they all get to mate with her.
Dolphins are just scumbag rapists. Don't go swimming with them. Lock them up with some great white sharks.
10. Don't go skydiving
People talk about it as if it's some fabled brave thing to do. Right, you know that you've got a parachute strapped to your back and a back-up parachute? And you'll have instructors who've been doing it for years. How many skydiving accidents do you really ever hear of? There's nothing brave about skydiving.
Overcome a real fear. Or do something that's genuinely amazing. Don't just let yourself drop for 10,000 feet. Gravity is one of the most important aspects of the universe. You'd think people would have gotten over the novelty of it by now.
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