1. Don't visit Paris
Everyone bloody does it! Can't the romantic impulse in us extend to something more than the old cliche? Visiting Paris is the least romantic thing I can imagine because it means you've thought SO LITTLE about your partner, that the best idea you've got is to take them to Paris.
2. Don't run a marathon
I can't think of a more unbelievable waste of your time. If you like running, then go running, but to run for hours? No. Do something productive in that time. Write a book or something.
3. Don't write a book
To paraphrase Christopher Hitchens: everyone has a book in them, in most cases, that's where it should stay. IF you are a genius with a fantastic story to tell laced with wit and ambitious prose, then please go ahead. If you've just been laid off by Tesco and your reading experience is exactly: 4 of the Harry Potter novels, the Twilight series, and the sport section of The Sun every morning, then please, PLEASE do not write a book.
4. Don't climb Mount Everest
Every year about 10 people die trying to climb the fabled mountain. You're fat. Don't do it. Don't become a statistic.
5. Don't learn a language
Try mastering your own instead. This one goes out to anyone who says "bored of" or pronounces H "haitch". It's "aitch" you motherfuckers, AITCH.
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