Bikes, and how they are more important than people.

People who ride a bike must feel pretty good about themselves.

They are saving the environment by avoiding travelling in a horrible car, polluting the Earth. And they are staying in shape too, getting rid of the visual pollution of unsightly flab.

A form of athletic altruism, you might even say?

So, riding a bike is, in theory, a very good thing.

Okay, so, it's a horrible day out there, so I was already in a bad mood. So you'll forgive me if the following rant about cyclists is grossly unfair.

But, you see, there is a situation when riding a bike can be extremely selfish. The situation I am referring to is when someone takes a bike on a train.

Because to take a bike on the train you have to have made an assumption. And the assumption is that everyone else isn't going to bring a bike. Because I promise you, if we did, there wouldn't be enough room.

A bike takes up the standing space of two people, and yet a cyclist doesn't have to pay extra. Selfishly, they have assumed that it is more important for their journey to have a cycle, than it is for the potential of two other people to stand comfortably.

Therefore, I propose that from today (why waste time?) it be necessary to buy a Bike Ticket for the train in addition to the standard ticket you buy. It could maybe cost half the price of a normal ticket (and here, I think you'll agree, I'm being very generous) and any cyclist found not to have one would receive an immediate on-the-spot fine of: execution.

I have spoken.