Success, and how I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

I think it's for the best that my life never amounts to what someone could call a "success".

I function as a semi-tolerable member of human society because I am knocked back fairly regularly. If I get proved right about things I am likely to become smug and pathetic.

I mean, for example, I know I'm pedantic a lot of the time.
I've done my best to cut back on being pedantic directly to people's faces and correct them about things. Fundamentally I'd like to be one of those people who is just really nice about things.
But I don't think I am.

I can't help wanting to be right. I am obsessed with being right.
I am terrified of being wrong. And I get angry when I'm definitely wrong.
I take the anger out on myself, mainly, I promise.

I use the example to illistrate what it would be like if I was proved right any time often.

I can imagine why successful musicians develop such egos.

I mean. I write a lot of songs, and I like them. Sometimes I think to myself "that's a good song, if I heard this song I'd like it". Yeah I know that's pathetic, but it's just how it is.
It doesn't last long. I look back at some songs I've written and can't imagine why I even bother to play guitar.

But.

If I was to become succesful, it was just show me that I was right all along.
And the thing was, I always knew it. I knew how amazing I was before anyone did.
And you better believe I'd rub that in.

So, yeah, for the benefit of my relationships with my friends and other people I care about I hope I never do anything impressive. I hope my life is filled by minor successes always reduced by larger failings.
I don't want to become something worse.