2012.

It's 2012. I hope we don't all die. Not because I'd be dead. Because I don't care about that. I won't know about it.

Because if we do all die, then it'll be a big victory for that Mayan calender 2012 doomsday bullshit.
It'll look like it's right. When, even if we did all die, it would just be a coincidence.

But beyond my selfish desires of not wanting everyone to die, there is another reason I don't want the world to end in 2012.

I'm feeling pretty optimistic about this year. I mean, I'm no fortune-teller, but I'm definitely feeling better about it.

I think that's mainly because I seem to have unburdened myself from something: a major part of my life that has hung around for years.

I used to get that feeling, that sinking feeling, like you know when someone mentions something you'd sort of forgotten about but are completely dreading: that feeling. Well, I used to get that feeling all the time when I'd think about this thing. But it seems to have gone.

Fundamentally if I am beyond it, then I think this year can only be better. No matter what happens. It's already better.

I don't have a plan for the year yet. I've got a lot of ideas, but effectively I'm going to improvise.

So it's going to be a jazz year.
Lots of improvising as I go. Lots of solos (ha ha, a joke, but there was lots of this last year). Lots of atonal scales.

But I don't like jazz an awful lot.

I might do some traveling. I might not. I think that will depend on whether I have a girlfriend, and whether I have any friends. And besides, it's a toss-up either way. There's loads of places I want to go. It's just a constant challenge of finding the time, money and companion(s).

I might get a new job. But that well depend wholly on the pay situation and the writing situation. I'm relatively happy to stay in this job a little while longer so long as the pay increases and I'm still getting some writing work (but not too much, because then I'd have to give up this job, but then that would be preferable, but of course that depends on the pay). You see how complex it gets when I try to write it down.

Put simply, I'll find a new job if:
a) the pay doesn't increase
b) I lose my writing work
c) conditions become more stressful and target-orientated (again without pay-rise)
d) a good job comes along

Barring a rather generous pay increase I can't see myself being at this job beyond my birthday. But then, I said that last year and here we are.

I think I've decided that there's a lot of things I could complain about. A lot of things I could worry about. But it won't do any good. I find that nothing substitutes for a bit of man-ing up, and growing up.