Lying.

I always wonder how much people lie to me.
Personally, I lie quite a lot. Not generally intentionally. I'll exaggerate or embellish stories about my life. Not really for my benefit, but for the listener. I tell people I like things that I really don't. I pretend I haven't heard stories they have told me. I even pretend I know less about certain things than I do, so that they can feel like they are teaching me something (although admittedly I'm becoming very bad at this one).

But worst of all, I just generally lie sometimes.
I can think of two 'facts' about my life that are a lie, but they are lies that I am comitted to (I'm sure there are a few, actually). Usually I have either lied to fit in, or to attempt to not fit in, because I'm patholigically allergic to conforming (EDIT: or constructing meaning correctly, it would appear).

I just wonder whether other people are like me. Do they commit themselves to lies? And do they tell the lie again to reinforce it? Are they then bound to tell that lie to other people so that should the question be raised again in front of both parties, a contradictory answer would not need to be explained?

Because I do. If I'm going to lie, I like to make it watertight. I'll tell people who don't even need to know, so that if just by accident it happens to come up between two mutual friends of mine they will both already agree.

I construct a web of lies.

But lying plays an important part in my life. And that is in tempering myself, because, left to my own devices, I'd be pretty angry with a lot of people most of the time. Effectively I am lying by not telling them what I really think about them.

See the trouble is I'm basically limited to two choices. The first is telling people what I think about them all the time, and have them hate me for it. Or two, letting people constantly get away with being the dick-heads that they are, making life difficult for everyone who isn't them and encouraging the selfish behavior that they exhibit.

I'm running out of friends to alienate as it is. I can't afford to lose anymore. A few weeks ago my friends staged an impromptu intervention in which I was told I wasn't allowed to have any opinions about anything anymore because I was becoming too forthright, arrogant and aggressive in vocalising them.

I understand where they are coming from, and I am becoming a bit too bitter and annoying (I've effectively started 'blogging' out loud in real life) but they are my actual friends. My friends. If my friends can't stand me having some conflicting opinions about iPhones and poppies what will people think when I start telling them that their attitudes to life are a joke, and that if I wasn't bound the duties of the law, I would happily kill them and enjoy watching them die.

I don't feel murderous about everyone, in case the police are reading this blog in a future murder investigation against me, just a couple of people (and, no, not the one that I'm accused of killing today, Mr/Ms. Police Officer)