I try not to blog too late into the night, especially at times when I should definitely be asleep by. I have a habit of making unsustainable grandoise statements that serve only for future embarassment.

Bear with me, this is going to be a blog of deviant tangents.

It's weird how I think of how I have changed over the last few years, fueled mainly by my experiences at university.

It's actually pretty difficult for me to talk about what I was like before that. I don't know if it's a common experience for people, but before maybe the second and third years at university I wasn't very self aware.

Like I used to wear stupid clothes, and I had silly long hair that makes me cringe now and these days I try to come up with a rational explanation for it. But the actual truth of it was that at the time I just didn't care what people thought. Like I was shy and introverted, but I wasn't bothered if people thought something made me look fat or wasn't in fashion and I wasn't bothered if people thought I was boring or that I wasn't clever.

And as much as I try to say I still don't, I now do completely care. It may not look like it, or seem like it, but I always thinking about what people think of me.

In effect a lot of the time I'm trying to second guess people, or think about what I think people are going to think.

That definitely makes sense... in my head it makes sense. But then, it is late... I mentioned this earlier.

I worry about what people think. The reality, I am fairly sure, is that people aren't thinking very much, but I don't know if indifference is preferable. I don't think I should be happy with indifference.

I don't even know what the point I'm trying to make is.

I don't think there is a point.

Just another piece of nothing.

Goodnight.