Interestingly, or perhaps worryingly, the most popular individual page on my blog (discounting the hundreds of views of the picture Richard Dawkins transmogrifying into Emma Watson that I stole) is the one about male toilet etiquette.
Therefore I have decided, in order to propel my writing to new levels of popularity, to pen the difficult second story.
Sequels are worse (apart from the Godfather Part II and The Dark Knight), we have had this drilled into us with horror films. And this will be no exception.
I used up the good material early. Now you're just getting the dregs.
There are two toilets in my house.
There's the little draughty downstairs one that used to house this pink metal monstrosity that, during the winter, was the coldest fucking thing in the world.
I'm not exaggerating.
Fortunately it was renovated a few years back and is now good.
Then there is the upstairs one in the bathroom. Old faithful.
Both doors have a lock.
And neither of those locks work.
I hope that sends chills down your spine. If you have ever been in my house, and felt safe and secure knowing that the toilet has a lock: you were wrong.
Whilst this is inconvenient, it has established one thing very clearly in our household:
If the toilet door is completely closed, that means it is occupied.
Unfortunately, at other people's houses this rule is not always in place.
I mean, as a rule, generally people close the door completely if they are using the toilet. But sometimes they also completely close the door once they come out, making it impossible to know if someone is in the toilet or not.
Many times I have approached a closed toilet door in an unfamiliar house and had to silently wait outside for the tell-tale splashing noise to tell me whether it's not safe.
I hate knocking on the door and someone calls:
"Just a minute"
Hate it.
So up next is Toilet Etiquette 3: The Prequel, in which David completes potty training. It's a cracker.
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